Back into Therapy

Why therapy is rarely a “one and done” thing.

For those of us who have been in therapy a few times there is a saying: “Spiritual growth: it’s rarely good news!” or in other words “Not another F****** growth opportunity!” Somehow, we believe that our wounds should just stay healed! Like in the Incredibles movie where Mr Incredible feels like the maid “No matter how many times I save the world it always manages to get into jeopardy again!” https://youtu.be/L0VGE-1sza4?feature=shared

It’s a great analogy to how we respond to ourselves when old wounds get reactivated. We can do a lot of work on an old wound and it heals and, just like a physical wound, it regains the flexibility and strength for us to live fully again. But then, damn it, life changes, and we get thrown a curve ball and have to move in a new way and the old wound gets triggered. That’s how we grow and a part of us feels a dismay at the return of some old pain. “I thought I’d dealt with that!” we say and berate ourselves for feeling it all again.

But what if that model of therapy is wrong. What if therapy is more like going to the dentist or needing the doctor from time to time. Perhaps we are meant to explore an issue then go out into life again to consolidate what we’ve learnt, then return when it’s time to do the next bit of work. Perhaps it’s the “rent we pay for being human” as Gregory Boyle puts it. Or in another of his quotes: “Joy, it turns out, has a maintenance contract”. So, for us to continue to grow and be fully alive there is a maintenance contract, which for many of us means engaging with old wounds from time to time. It’s not a one and done thing.

The other aspect to healing is that one piece of work in therapy might focus on one “part” of the issue: for example, if someone has a phobia around going to the dentist. A very useful and important bit of work can be done to heal that and enable the dentist to be a relaxing and completely safe experience. A little bit down the road though, that anxiety might pop up around speaking up in work meetings. The anxious part needs attention again because like any living growing system, your life is growing, expanding and encountering new challenges. It’s not wrong, you didn’t fail, and maybe the best thing we can do is clap our hands, smile at ourselves and think: “Oh goody- another F******* growth opportunity!”

If you are struggling with phobias or anxiety, get in touch today for a free discovery call.

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