I can’t sleep!

I Can’t Sleep: Understanding Insomnia and How to Calm Your Mind and Body

Struggling to sleep can feel exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes overwhelming.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just switch off?”—you’re not alone.

Sleep problems often don’t begin overnight. They build over time, shaped by stress, anxiety, and how we live in our bodies during the day.

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When Did Your Sleep Problems Begin?

I often ask clients this question: When did your sleep difficulties first start?

For me, it began as an anxious teenager. I couldn’t fall asleep without listening to my Walkman. Later, it became more intense—whole nights lying awake, walking for hours, or cleaning just to cope with the restlessness.

Things shifted when I began therapy. As I became aware of thoughts and feelings I had been keeping out of my conscious awareness, my sleep improved.

It felt as though a part of me had been working hard to keep me away from my “night-time mind”—the place where those difficult thoughts might surface.

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Why Your Brain Won’t Let You Sleep

If your mind races at night, there may be a good reason.

Sleep requires a sense of safety in the body.
But if part of you feels unsafe, your system may stay alert—even when you’re exhausted.

This can show up as:

• Racing thoughts at bedtime
• Restlessness or the urge to get up
• Anxiety that intensifies at night
• Feeling “tired but wired”

Your nervous system may be asking:
“Is it safe to switch off?”

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What I Learned From Exhaustion (and Motherhood)

Later, my sleep challenges took a different form—babies and young children.

That deep, relentless exhaustion taught me something important:
I couldn’t always control how much sleep I got, but I could influence how I moved through my day.

My mantra became:
“Breathe and chop the onions.”

In other words, bring as much calm and presence as possible into ordinary moments.

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The Jaw-Clenching Insight (and Why It Matters)

Around that time, I also developed teeth grinding. I would wake with a sore jaw and tense face.

I realised something important:

• I couldn’t control what I did while asleep
• But I could notice and release tension during the day

So I began catching myself clenching my jaw—and gently letting it go.

Over time, the night-time grinding stopped.

This taught me a powerful lesson:

👉 What we do in the day shapes how we rest at night

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The Nervous System and Sleep: Why You Feel “Wired”

If your body spends most of the day in a fight-or-flight state, your system receives a constant message:

“Danger. Stay alert. Don’t rest.”

This creates a feedback loop:

• The body sends tension signals to the brain
• The brain reinforces a sense of threat
• The cycle continues

And when bedtime comes, your system simply doesn’t know how to switch off.

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A Different Way to Think About Sleep

There’s a lyric from The Commitments:

“If you want an all-day do-right woman,
you have to be an all-night do-right man.”

We often think:
👉 If I sleep well, I’ll feel better during the day

But my experience suggests the reverse is also true:

👉 If I reduce tension during the day, I sleep better at night

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Why Humans Find It Hard to Fall Asleep

I was reminded of this recently while babysitting a six-month-old.

The only way she could fall asleep was by being held, rocked, and soothed.

It raises an interesting question:
Why do humans struggle so much to let go and sleep?

The answer may be simple:
👉 We need to feel safe enough to switch off

And that sense of safety isn’t created at bedtime—it’s built throughout the day.

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The Gut, Stress, and Sleep

Many people focus on sleep hygiene (which is important), but still struggle with:

• Racing thoughts
• Digestive discomfort
• Restlessness

There’s a strong connection between the gut and sleep.

• Around 90% of serotonin (a key sleep hormone) is produced in the gut
• Chronic stress and tension can disrupt digestion
• This can affect sleep quality

This is why conditions like IBS and insomnia are often linked—and why approaches like cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy can be so effective.

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A Simple Exercise to Support Better Sleep

Try this during your day:

Next time you stand up or begin a task, ask yourself:

👉 Can I do this with less effort?
👉 Can I stay closer to a calm, “night-time” state?

Gently:

• Notice tension in your body
• Soften where you can
• Slow your breath slightly

You’re teaching your nervous system that it’s safe to relax.

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When to Seek Support for Sleep Problems

If you’re struggling with insomnia and it’s affecting your daily life, support can help you:

• Understand the root of your sleep difficulties
• Calm your nervous system
• Reduce anxiety and overthinking
• Improve both sleep and daytime wellbeing

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Get Support

If sleep is a struggle for you right now, you don’t have to face it alone.

You’re welcome to reach out:
info@carolynbaynes.co.uk